Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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