I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
