we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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