who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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