last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
