I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
