R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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