haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
