I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
