I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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