the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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