bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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