Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
