I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
