his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize