Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
