And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
