47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
