one might say we're banned from that church
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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