We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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