you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
