Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I believe in your delicious
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
