my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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