I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
