I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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