So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
