I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
