the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
