I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
