I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
