if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ttyl tear gas
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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