dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
