first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
