I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
