You really coming over, don't trick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
