my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize