Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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