i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize