i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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