Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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