just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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