the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
And then he peed in my hair
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
