I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
