Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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