Apparently you make a good broom.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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