What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize