Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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