I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
