Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's shark week go big or go home
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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