Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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