If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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