You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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