i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
