I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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