you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
