My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
