Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
