I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
