Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
