ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
