Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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