drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
