I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
