You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
