I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
