Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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