I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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