I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
